What in the World...

Alright, I haven't been on in a while and to be honest I don't know why, I have really been distracted lately and I have been having a hard time focusing on anything, which isn't good because finals are coming up soon and procrastination and laziness just aren't the best qualities to have right now. I have even been slacking on reading my bible and journaling. I really have. I find that I do more things for people rather than God, which isn't a good thing.
I'm just in a selfish place and I don't know how to get out of it. I really care what others think instead of caring about what the Lord thinks and what is pleasing to Him, so I need to pray about it, I need you all to pray about it too.
I don't know what is going on, but I know that the Lord is faithful and he will get me through it.
Alright friends, homework time. Look forward to more confessions.

April Showers..

Alright, so today was Christine's final bridal shower and it was a work/reslife shower!
It was so much fun and made me feel so grown up because she is the first of my friends to get married and I am not used to this kind of stuff. It was so much fun! She was so excited for her gifts and the food was GREAT! And we played games!
What a great afternoon!
Props to Danielle!
So, rounds tonight yet again, and this has been a bad news bears week for rounds because I wrote up 2 of my favorite residents on Thursday because of alcohol and they weren't even drinking. And last night another room on my floor was written up for alcohol, which sucked! This week was a week for the record books, the worst week ever!
So although this week was not so fun and was incredibly draining, I am starting off on a new foot, trying to stay positive and declaring that next week will be AMAZING!
Last night, before the alcohol was a great start, because Christine and I had a girl's night! We got all dressed up and went to see RENT! IT WAS AWESOME!
AWESOME!
YAY!
I have no motivation to do any work, but that's OK sometimes. This week will be great! I can feel it!
Alright, look for more confessions.

Tired..

Alright, so today I am riding the struggle bus. Heck, I am the driver of the struggle bus. I stayed up until 5 am talking to Zack about life, love, God and all sorts of other things. Although it was a fantastic talk, I am feeling it this morning.
I know what your thinking, why did you stay up till 5 am talking?
Well, Zack is a Night Receptionist and had to guard the door all night, so I kept him company.
How we both made it to 5 am is beyond me.
Anyhow, although I am tired and disoriented, I had a great night and an interesting conversation.
So, thank you Zack!
Alright, so this week hasn't gotten much better, but that's OK. I know that it can only get better.
Well, back to class, possibly sleep. We shall see.
Look forward to more confessions.

New Beginning..

Alright, this has been a hard week. I am aware that it is only Tuesday, but this week has been emotionally draining, spiritually challenging and full of personal growth. I'm not going to get into all the gritty details, but this week has been hard.
And we all have weeks like that and sometimes they get worse as the week goes on, and sometimes they get better.
I can only trust in god that the week gets better.
And this brings me to my next point, God.
As many of you know, I am a Christian and I go to bible study on Monday nights and last night was a great study.
We talked about trusting in God for everything and how everything in our lives is rubbish compared to Him.
I know what you're thinking, rubbish? Everything? Um.. OK crazy lady.
But honestly, what are we going to take to our grave with us? NOTHING. You do not see big mansions or hummers or piles of cash by the gravestones in the cemetery, you just see flowers from loved ones and the graves themselves.
So honestly why do we push so hard and try so hard to get all these things that we may only have for at max 100 years?
It makes no sense to me, although I am guilty of desires and wants for things that don't actually matter.
So I guess my challenge to myself and to others is to try to focus on something besides grades, homework assignments and classes because although those things are important, but they WILL NOT matter in 5 years let alone next semester.
I am going to focus on the Lord and trusting in His plan for me and I challenge you to do something similar. Focus on being nice to others, or the Lord, or your family. But focus on something besides the here and now, focus on the bigger picture, the end goal and try to achieve that end result that you want.
Alright, I've begun to ramble.
Look forward to more confessions.

Beautiful People..

Alright, so I have been thinking lately, well I just thought of something, what does it mean to be a successful woman?
I have 2 definitions...
The biblical definition and the pop culture definition.
Biblically?
Proverbs 31:10-31
She is resourceful, loving, honest, hardworking, selfless and godly
Pop Culture?
She is a size 2, she is tall, she's independent, some call her a bitch, and she puts herself before others and she tends to be business savvy.
This got me thinking, which woman do I want to be? The first woman puts the Lord and her family before herself and the second woman puts herself before others. The other characteristics I listed may be opinions but one thing remains true. One woman is selfless the other is selfish.
Both, however are successful.
Who do I want to be?
What does that say about me?
I want to be successful, I have goals that I want for my life, things I want to do and things I want to see, but do I want to put those goals above every other thing in my life and do whatever I can to achieve them?I know hard work is involved, but I think some people go WAY to far in trying to accomplish their goals, to the point of being immoral and if I went that far to do whatever it takes to achieve those goals and achieved them would I even want them anymore? Probably not. I probably would be so filled with guilt I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
We are force fed these ideas that we should reach for the stars and achieve our goals and travel the world and do whatever it takes to do it, but is it really worth it?
Do those things really matter?
I don't think so...
To be honest, I want to be like the first woman, I don't think I am her, but I think I can be and I want to be like her.
I want to live for a higher power, I want to live for someone else and I think putting the Lord and my family before myself is a great place to start.
Well, that's all for now look forward to more confessions.

Raindrops..

Alright, so today was raining and gross, hectic and stressful.
This week can only get better because it is only Tuesday.
I am super excited about Spring Retreat this weekend! I really need some time with the Lord and with the lovely bible study ladies. Honestly, what is better than a weekend away, great girls and the Lord?
NOTHING!
Anyhow, on less spiritual news, Backstage Pass staging is almost done! Hooray! I don't think I have ever been so proud of a bunch or lights and cords in my life, but honestly I feel so accomplished.
Also, I finished my story for Big Ten! Hooray! I have been working on this story for a month and a half and its finally finished! YES!!
I also got my internship at channel 7 in Detroit! Way Cool!
Seriously, I feel so accomplished. I feel like I am ready for this whole life thing.
Not really, but I'm getting closer, which is a HUGE step for me.
I have always been afraid to enter the real world and for the first time I feel like I can do it.
So, I know my posts are getting lame, but thanks for putting up with me.
Look for more confessions.

Home Again Home Again

Alright, so I'm back at school after a 4 hour drive and a hospital trip.
So, I guess my family gene pool contains genes that make walking very difficult because everyone in our family has fell down the stairs at least once if not twice.
Well, my sister fell down the stairs twice in one week. And the award goes to?! Maggie!
Anyhow, she's OK, no worries, but now I do have some fantastic stories for my friends.
So, the weekend was fantastic and I really enjoyed the family time.
I'm starting to really enjoy my family, which is nice since I once took them for granted.

Well, this post is short and sweet.
2 lessons?
-Appreciate your family
-Be careful around stairs

Look forward to more confessions!

Birthdays and Roller Blades..

Alright, yesterday was my cousin's birthday party. She turned 5 on March 28th. Happy Birthday Claire. Anyhow we got her roller blades. So, after all the cake and presents, I put on my roller blades, my cousin, Matthieu who is 6, got on his scooter and Claire got on her new roller blades and we skated around the driveway until she was so tired that I had to carry her to the porch. So then me and Matthieu started playing tag and chasing each other around, soon enough Claire was ready for another go and got on her scooter and joined the chase. Needless to say those kids wore me out. I can tell I'm getting older, a couple years ago, that would have been a warm-up.
OK so fast forward to today and voila, more roller blades. I took my lovely dog Elvis for a walk/roller blade. We walked 2 laps around the elementary school and bladed 2 more. He is worn out, I can tell he is getting older because I wasn't yanked to the ground, and we only went around 4 times. We used to play outside for hours, my sister and I and both dogs.
I guess things change.
I'm starting to think about getting older, my 20th birthday is around the corner and to be honest its a touchy subject with me. When I think about getting older, I start to panic. I don't know why, I just do. Maybe because I'm starting to grasp the idea of death, I really don't know. But when I look at Elvis and I realize that although time is moving at warp-speed, and he is getting older and he probably won't be around much longer, he had a GREAT life. And that is all I can hope for.
Seriously, if I live to 100 and have a boring life that I regret, what's the point of living. However, if I live for 65 years and have a blast and have all these memories, I'm cool with that. Life is here to live it, its the quality not the quantity in this case. I would rather have an incredible life for 65 years than a boring regretful one for 100 years. Now, I know that I will have regrets either way, but I would rather have the regrets out-shined by the memories than vise-versa.
OK, that's enough from me for now. Look forward to more confessions.

Hustle and Flow..

Alright, I am sitting in class, IAH 241A just is case you were wondering, and I decided to talk about the hectic lives we lead as students and my opinion about it.
Seriously think about it, we are full-time students dedicating 20 hours a week or more to schoolwork, classes and the monotony of the everyday. Then, we usually work a part-time job, maybe 10 hours a week flipping burgers or selling clothes. On top of that, we need experience and resume builders, like the dairy club or RHA. With all these commitments, how in the world are we supposed to stay sane with all these commitments, let alone do exceptionally well in our classes to possibly get a job and some money out of this entire thing. I mean we all want to make a profit after paying $64,000 to sit in required classes and study things that we will never use in our careers.
Is this what adult life is like? Is this what we have to look forward to?
I understand that my Fridays after college on will be filled with work and deadlines and screaming kids, but is this constant juggle of seemingly unimportant things the basis of our life on Earth?
I don't think so. But who am I to know what lies ahead of me, no one. I have no idea what the future holds. No idea.
Are we practicing for the real thing? For adulthood? For our futures? I know we are in our careers, but I'm not sure my life will be this hectic and frantic and stressful.
Ever since we were little we were told we that we need to practice something in order to be good at it. Like in high school we were told that we are practicing for college and that high school was preparing us for the next 4 years at a university. I don't know about you, but I disagree with that. Seriously, I took 4 music classes my senior year in high school. In college, I have 9 if not 10 things to do or go see everyday none of which include music classes, skipping classes or busy work. High school did nothing to prepare me for the stress, activity level or academic level of college. So I can't help but think, is this just another false truth? I think we don't know what our future is like until we get there. That's the catch, we will never get to our future, ever. Its always in front of us. Always.
I know it sounds bizarre, but with 3 jobs a full class load and other activities, I want more. I do, this is the only time in my life I can do this, I will only be 19 once, I will only be in college once. Only once. So why not have a blast! Honestly, why take it easy? Why? Being stressed out to the point of losing hair is no good, but I want to do as much as I can.
Is this what the rest of our lives is going to look like?
Heck no! So why have it any different, I will be working on Fridays for the rest of my life, so why try to be an adult now? why? Let me enjoy my young adult life while I have it.
So although I may moan and complain about the hectic life I lead and the amount of things I have to complete within the night, but honestly, I would not have it any other way.
In 4 years, i will be working at a news station, married with kids. I will not have time to do all the amazing thing I got to see and do at 4 am, I will not have time to go out with friends for hours on end, I will have an adult life with my family. Right now, my friends are my family and my school work is my job. So I'm going to live it up.
Alright, that's all for now, I know I rambled on and on but after all I am delusional. So look forward to more confessions.