Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sitting, Waiting, Missing...

Well, the first week of classes is over and the second week is about to wrap up as well and to be honest, I am miserable.
I feel so stupid, so immature and so far from God.
I feel like I know nothing about my major, I feel like I'm not learning a thing and its frustrating. I also have never felt so behind. This week, I literally had to chose between a shower, food, homework or sleep. I chose homework and then fell asleep in my class, three actually thus making me feel immature and stupid.
Immature for falling asleep and Stupid for not getting the work done.
Don't forget lazy and irresponsible.
I have lots of floor events planned, no homework done and no sleep. Talk about your positive role model.
I feel so distant from God, I feel so sinful and so guilty. Last night was the first night I journaled and read in weeks and it felt amazing, I finally gave all that crap up to God, which felt amazing, but I still feel far. I feel so distant and above everything else, this feeling is the most heartbreaking.
I feel like crying, almost every second of the day.
I feel like bursting into tears and screaming at the sky.
I miss my mom.
I miss Christine.
I miss feeling like I'm worthwhile.
I miss, I just miss feeling like me.

I guess I really do need this weekend.... God is faithful, for He has given me the opportunity to get away.
I pray that I de-stress and have a great time, I pray for patience with my family.
I pray for warm weather.
I pray for peace, Lord, just give me peace.


Praise God!
Pray for me.
Sorry this is so sad and disjointed.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Katie. In God's eyes you are so amazing. You always are. He is understanding and knows that while you might feel distanced, you are enriching the lives of everyone around you; especially the girls on your floor. How many juniors are RA's on their floors and doing classes and trying to better themselves everyday... not many. I'm always here for you if you need to talk and I'm always praying for you!

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